Saturday, June 1, 2013

"I'm Just Going To Lay Here And Die"

What does the title say to you?
Just think for a second.
Get a little idea in your head, a guess.
Do you have one? 
Good!
Heres the answer....

Those are the words I said to my mom after she asked me how my workout went
it went great, and now I'm in so much pain I can hardly walk.
It. Is. Awesome.

So here is the explanation on why i am writing this post.
I've started to get myself into a healthy fit lifestyle.
And heres the story.....
Going through high school i was a varsity cheerleader and worked incredibly hard.
We worked out a minimum of 6 days a week and i was a flyer.
I graduated high school around 108 pounds which, for me at least, was a good weight.
I have always been very small and have eaten a lot.
My family always joked that it would catch up with me.
I graduated and stopped working out.
I gained weight.....
I'm now at 116.
This is not ok for me.
So with my disordered brain what do i decide to do?
Starve.
I starved myself and took water pills so that i could hopefully lose this extra gross flab that was all over me.
I was, well still am, disgusted by my body.
In the long run i ended up gaining more weight.
And now this week I am changing.
I want to make my body into one that i can potentially love.
This to me means muscle. 
Lean muscle is what i want to get to.
So, i have decided that i am starting these habits out early in life.
I am starting to eat cleaner and healthier, 
And i am starting to go to the gym and work out every other day, and to take some classes
But at the top of my list i want to love my body.

Never in my life do i remember being ok with my body,
I was always made fun of by my family, my friends, other people.
I know people do not think that some things they say have an effect on people but they do.
Asking me if i ever eat, telling me i'm too small, pinching me, making fun of my small size, telling me that i will become fat anyways, this is not ok.
I believe that my brain was more susceptible to depression because of the things i went through as a child. But i also believe that I have a terrible body problem not just because of the media and society, but because of the comments constantly being made to me while i was little.

I'm writing this post to tell my followers that I am going to start making a diary of sorts of my progress to becoming a fit, more healthy, and body loving me. But also to let you all know that those comments hurt.
They do have an effect on a little girl or boy. 

I hope you all will support me on my mission to becoming a more fit me and also to becoming a more body loving me in the process.

Please leave any comments or suggestions or even inspiration! 
I would love to hear what you guys think of this post and of any tips you have on helping me reach my goal

until next time
               ~Holly


1 comment:

  1. I really recommend you the Tone It Up series. You can find their videos on youtube. I was thinner a couple of years ago too and the lack of workout in high school and junk food eventually catched up with me. Now I lost the extra weight, still have a bit to get rid of, but I feel awesome. I also started to eat less but in more intervals.
    Hope to hear your progress soon :D Good luck girl!
    Love,
    Dany.

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